Helena’s story

First my son was diagnosed with AS.  I noticed that his father had many
similar traits and had my suspicions that he also is AS confirmed by people
who work with my son.  Then I realized my brother is AS.  His behavior
toward me is like a 2-yr-old.  Can’t see that I have feelings too.  (He’s
also been controlling and, lately, really cruel.)  I’ve always known that my
mother and brother were very similar to each other and very different from
me.  I began to suspect my mom had AS as I looked at some of her blood
relatives (rigid, socially “off”, very smart in clear-cut, logical fields —
accounting, law).  My mother was puzzled that I had different feelings and
interests from her.  I SHOULD be interested in… I SHOULD do…. etc.  My
mother assumed that I knew things – both how to do as well as what to do,
without being taught or having an explanation.  She couldn’t give me
guidance or advice that was suitable to MY personality.  When we had a
difference of opinion – “I will not do X”, it was as if I never said
anything; she just bulldozed on as if I agreed.  I got around her by
avoiding issues, being vague, and just not telling her what I was doing.  I
never spoke with her about what kind of work I was doing or wanted to do.
It wasn’t what she wanted to do, therefore I shouldn’t be doing it.  She was
judgmental – I don’t remember her ever telling me I did something well; she
said really hurtful things to me that I don’t think parents should say to
their kids.   She also was very controlling and anxious.  She did not like
to be touched – she’d get stiff with hugs.  I’m sure she was AS.  It would
explain a lot.  Like why I married a man with AS and felt, when we were
having problems, that I was the one that needed to be fixed.  (Now I know
better).

I hope to find out how growing up with an AS parent affected me.  What
are some of the issues I am dealing with that came out of this kind of
childhood?  What’s normal?  I also hope to get some support about how to
deal with growing up with an undiagnosed AS sibling along with an
undiagnosed AS parent.  There seemed to be an alliance between the two of
them.  Maybe they understood each other in a way that an NT can’t?

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2 thoughts on “Helena’s story

  1. Pretty much the same story here.
    I think there is definitely something there in some cases, like my mom and sister. I was the different one, who was hard to deal with. Sometimes not though, when a person has to be right and do things only their way, it would be hard to get along with someone equally unbending but with different ideas. As with my husband and his brother, both AS.
    As for maybe understanding each other, maybe it’s more likely that neither care if they are understood, so why should anyone else care about being understood.
    Your mom sounds just like mine. I’ve been depressed all my life that I can remember except for some of the years I lived by myself. I lived with an AS man for 5 years, lived alone for several years to get my ‘self’ back, then married another one.
    Now I’m at the lowest point in my life.
    If I didn’t have a child to take care of now, I wouldn’t even be here.

    • It is 3 years since this writing–and I hope SOMEONE reached out to help you with your cry for help!!! I really hope yop have found some peace with your situation. Please know you are not alone. many of us have suffered much like you. It is our challenge to overcome and become the ‘best version of ourselves’,. despite the cruelty and chaos and confusion in our childhoods.

      I wish you healing. Go to a natural/organic health store and get supplementation that help you out of your depression!

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