Sexually inappropriate maths professor

Editor’s note on our experience with AS parents and sexuality: The common factor our members report when there is sexually inappropriate behaviour from their AS parent is that have not been physically sexually abusive, but simply inappropriate. We often find that AS parents cannot “read” the age of their children, and will sometimes talk to five year olds as if they were adults, or baby-talk their adult children. Therefore we do not claim that AS people are prone to sexually predatory behaviour. Their social ineptitude can however take a sexual cast if sex is the topic of their obsessions. How distressing a child might find the kinds of behaviours listed below,  compared to actual physical sexual abuse is an open question.  

My dad was required to see a psychologist by his employer (an educational institution) due to all the complaints being filed against him.  The psychologist diagnosed him with AS which is the first time I guess that he actually realized he had a problem.  His behavior throughout my childhood is similar to some other member’s testimonies, but basically he was extremely childlike (blowing up at me and my siblings for even the smallest things like ‘eating the last cookie’ or ‘clogging the toilet’), he would often get into screaming fights with grocery store employees over a 20 cent coupon, he would throw his keys at a passing car if the car failed to stop at a crosswalk, and so on.

       I have been extremely affected by my father due to his AS.  He was often inappropriate with me and my sister and brother and constantly would tell us about how our mother never let him have sex with her or “watch her get undressed.”  He was obsessed with sex, like a prepubescent teenager and we would have to hear every detail about what was missing from their marriage, about how attractive other women were (when i was probably 8 yrs old he told me how my aunt (on my mother’s side) had great breasts, much nicer than my mother’s).  These kind of inappropriate comments were not even shielded when we had friends over.  My dad took a liking to one of my sister’s friends in particular and used to “tease” with her and later tell us how she was “really developed for her age.”  The friend was 13.  Eventually my parents did separate when I was around 9 and they got divorced years later, but when they separated this is actually when my own personal problems began to present themselves.  I suffer from severe anxiety and actually have trichotillomania (hair pulling compulsive disorder due to anxiety) as well.  I have suffered from eating problems, relationship problems, and self esteem problems.  I am the youngest sibling and my sister and brother are very bright.  My dad is a mathematician, extremely intelligent at math, and extremely numbers obsessed when it came to our grades.  Since I was quite a bit younger than my sister and brother, my dad would always say things like “I wonder how you’ll do in school.  I wonder if you’ll be as smart as your brother and sister.”  Naturally, this had a negative effect on my self esteem.  As I grew older, my dad even began to make inappropriate sexual comments towards me which is part of the reason I currently rarely talk to him anymore. It is just too painful to feel like he can’t carry on a genuine two sided conversation and may even end up making an inappropriate comment towards me regarding my body or sex.  When I do talk to him, it is a one sided conversation that humors him.  I talk with him about his cats or his math team.  Every so often he will ask a question about my life and sometimes, it does seem like he genuinely cares, but as quickly as I might feel a glimmer of a connection, the moment is gone and he is back to talking about math or something he is interested in.  It is extremely painful to have this in my life and I have not yet figured out how to best cope with it.  I have been in therapy for about a year now and I think I am making progress.  I am also enrolled in a psychology program currently (I guess fulfilling the stereotype of those with issues become therapists!) but it has been really helpful and I do have hope for the future.  But this site is an amazing thing for me to find.  My sister and I often have wondered about other people’s experiences who were raised by fathers with AS so it really is validating to read the stories on here and become a member myself so I can maybe get feedback from others and provide some things I’m also learning to other members.  Thanks for creating this site; I think there is a huge need for children with parents of AS to be able to find support and comfort in others, since those are obviously the main things lacking from their childhoods. 

         I just want to hear more about other member’s experiences and share more of my own.  I would love to be able to have people to talk to who can actually understand my dad.  It can become so tiring trying to tell my friends about my father and what it was like growing up in that environment since no matter how much they care, I never feel completely understood.